There seems to be some confusion as to what the actual job is for a ring bearer. So let’s talk about these cute kids for a second! I have found myself in a discussion with most of my clients about letting these adorable, sweet, angels hold the actual rings (I hope you are catching my slight sarcasm in this so far!) Let me be very clear with this next statement….DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE LET A CHILD HOLD ONTO THE RINGS!!! I don’t care if they are triple tied in a knot on that pillow….DON’T DO IT!
The actual job of a Ring Bearer is to look cute and to at least get to the beginning of the aisle. It is perfectly acceptable for their mom or dad to walk with them, or to take their hand and have them sit down once they have made it down the aisle. Kids will never be on perfect behavior. Kids will not understand the importance of “quiet” during your ceremony. Kids are cute and everyone will at least get a fun laugh OR an “Awwww” out of their performance. They will not stand still at the altar long enough to hand you your rings. They WILL drop them, lose them, swing the pillow around or some other sort of nerve racking behavior and for that very reason, this is a non-negotiable task with my clients.
The Best Man will always be my true ring bearer and gets a nice, quick speech about where to keep the rings (inside jacket pocket, close to their heart or I will kick them in the chins) how to hand the rings to the officiant and what will happen to him if he loses the rings, which I am not allowed to repeat on a public forum. So please, please, please either purchase a couple of fake rings from your local dollar store and don’t actually tell the ring bearer that he will be getting the real rings. I have actually been chased around by a child wanting to know where the rings were...the poor kid was freaking out because he didn’t have them and I had to let him know that he was not getting the real rings but that he still had an important job of saying hello to everyone as he walked down the aisle!
Give them a job if it makes them listen better BUT DO NOT GIVE THEM THE RINGS unless you want to risk losing a few hundred or thousand dollars before you ever even walk down the aisle. I’ve seen them dropped in the grass and it made the ceremony 45 minutes late while we all looked for them, I’ve seen them almost dropped in the water. I’ve seen them left in the bathroom before the ceremony. This is why I always give an adult the actual rings. It’s too much of a risk to leave a child with all of that responsibility. Be smart and let them be kids!
This was my quick wedding PSA for this week! Leave any questions or comments below and be sure to sign up for our newsletter for updates on our Coaching Course launching this May!